This is not the first book that I read from Tim Sanders. I like his content and the way of his writing in his book “Love is the killer app”.
The more you are liked, the happier your life will be. In The Likeability Factor, business guru Tim Sanders shows how to build your likeability factor by teaching you how to enhance four critical elements of your personality:
1. Friendliness: your ability to communicate liking and openness to others
When people are friendly and positive to us, we feel great and enjoy their presence. Our first instinct when someone is friendly is to reciprocate. If you perceive that someone likes you, youre more willing to like them back. A friendship becomes possible.
How to up your friendliness ?
a. Observe no unfriendliness
b. Develop a friendly mind-set
c. Communicate friendliness
You can adopt a new perspective to prevent unfriendliness. A perspective shift happens when you see the world in a new way, resulting in new rules, values and realities. For example, you can install the thought that unfriendliness is a weakness. This is because every time you’re unfriendly with someone, you’ve experienced a failure to control yourself.
When you have a setback and act unfriendly, you must repair the damage. Apologize. You, this can be difficult, especially when you feel you’ve been wronged. I’m not suggesting that you forgive people for everything they do.
As soon as you can, express your personal regret in words to the person you blew up at. Be honest and say how you feel. People can deny or dispute the facts but not feelings. By telling others how you feel, you open up the door to a constructive conversation that can enhance others’ perception of your friendliness.
Even when people are very friendly, you have little reason to care about them if they have little bearing on your life. Someone must also be relevant to your life if your relationship is to pass through the next stoplight. Some people will always be more relevant to you than others. The variable is the strength of your connection. When people connect with one of your high-level interests or needs, their relevance to you soars.
How to up your relevance ?
a. Identify your frequent contact circle
b. Connect with others’ interest
c. Connect with others’ wants and needs
When you share an interest with others, you develop a bond. This bond will boost your relevance factor, giving you a higher L factor. To start, create an inventory of your passions. Assess your own current interests. Review and reflect on your pastimes, your hobbies, and your passions. If you dont have a handle on what you care about, how can you develop mutual interests with others?
Empathy: your ability to recognize, acknowledge, and experience other people’s feelings.
Empathetic skills may be most difficult to improve. If you’re not aware of others’ feelings, you can be perceived as insensitive, either because of something you do or you don’t do.
How to up your empathy ?
a. Show an interest in how others feel.
b. Experience others’ feelings
c. Respond to others’ feelings
4. Realness: the integrity that stands behind your likeability and guarantees its authenticity.
“Real people” know their roots, their heritage and their history. They remember where they came from and who brought them to the dance. And they retain that knowledge. They know their values and they behave accordingly. At its heart, realness is something you simply feel when you’re in its presence. Someone who is real to you may not seem so real to a friend. There are a few ways of how someone’s lack of realness can lower his or her L-factor :
2) Act of hypocrisy
How to up your realness ?
a. Be true to yourself
b. Be true to others
c. Share your realness
You can create a personal history chart to represent you from birth to present day. See something like below :
Look for gradual evolution, and be cautious of total revolution. Most personal change is incremental. If you see a stark contrast between this year and last, ask yourself if something so monumental happened that it morphed the real you. It can happen. People seldom change radically and quickly.
When you improve these areas and boost your likeability factor, you bring out the best in others, handle life’s challenges with grace, enjoy better health,and excel in your daily roles.